What Makes a Good Grief Counselor?
“Jeff and Laura, your mom died last night.”
My Grief Journey
Those words still ring loudly in the core of my psyche, even though my mom died on August 31, 1971. September 1st, the next day, would have been my first day of third grade, but I missed the first three days of my third-grade year as a part of beginning the grief process. When I returned to school, on the fourth day, I was asked to lead the Pledge of Allegiance to the flag. No words came out, akin to the way we cry or laugh, but no sound is coming out, just tears and air. I could not remember the words of the Pledge of Allegiance.
Grief is Disbelief
Grief is like that—it can leave you speechless, searching, wondering how this could have happened. Honestly, I did not even know people died, much less that it could happen to my own mother. Even a year later, after we had “married another family,” I remember being devastated when my step-mother told me that everyone died. Are you kidding me? What the hell? Seriously? I was incredulous. I was very upset. Crying every night, I needed a grief counselor.
A Good Grief Counselor Is…
What makes a good grief therapist? In my opinion, it takes three things: personal experience with grief, training in grief counseling, and empathy. During my training in grief counseling, I developed a curriculum for a grief group. In addition, I studied the Continuing Bonds theory of grief, which places less emphasis on “getting over it” and more on having a continuing relationship with the deceased by, for example, leaving a place at the table for the deceased during holidays and celebrating the birthday of the deceased.
Have you suffered a loss? I know the anger, the sinking feeling, the disbelief. My deepest condolences are for you and yours. As a grief counselor, I am here to comfort and to help.
